Dialog
The art of dialogue is one practice that trains us to listen with our hearts. Dialogue comes from the Greek dia (through) and logos (meaning or word.) So a dialogue is a flow of meaning through words in which new understandings emerge that might not have been present before. It is done in a spirit of inquiry - wanting to know. we look for shared meaning beyond our individual understanding. (p 48)
Principles of Dialogue (p 131)
The purpose of dialogue is to:
Principles of Dialogue (p 131)
- When you are listening, suspend assumptions. What we assume is often invisible to us. We assume that others have had the same experiences that we have and that’s how we listen to them. Learn to recognize assumptions by noticing when you are surprised, upset, or annoyed by something someone else is saying. These are clues that you may be making an assumption. Let it be – suspend it – and resume listening for understanding of the other.
- When you are speaking, express your personal response, informed by your tradition, beliefs, and practices. Speak for yourself. Use “I” language. Take ownership of what you say. Speak from your heart. Notice how often the phrases “we all,” “of course,” “everyone says,” or “you know” come into your conversations. The only person you can truly speak for is yourself.
- Listen and speak without judgment. The purpose of dialogue is to come to an understanding of the other, not to determine whether he/she is good, bad, right, or wrong. If you are sitting there thinking, “That’s good,” “that’s bad,” “I like that,” “I don’t like that,” you are having a conversation in your own mind, and you are not listening to the speaker. Simply notice when you do this and return to listening to the speaker.
- Suspend status. Everyone is an equal partner in the inquiry. There is no seniority or hierarchy. All are colleagues with a mutual quest for insight and clarity. Each of us is an expert in our own lives, and that’s what we bring to the dialogue process.
- Honor confidentiality. Leave the names of the participants in the room, so that if you share stories or ideas, the identities of participants will not be revealed. Create a safe space for self-expression. Avoid gossip.
- Listen for understanding, not agreement or belief. You do not have to agree with or believe anything that is said. Your job is to listen for understanding, new ideas, and ways to think about something.
- Ask clarifying or open-ended questions to assist your understanding and to explore assumptions. Watch out for questions with your own agenda embedded in them.
- Honor silence and time for reflection. Notice what wants to be said rather than what you want to say. Allow time to take in what has been said.
- One person speaks at a time. Pay attention to the flow of the conversation. Notice what patterns emerge from the group. Watch that each person has an opportunity to speak, knowing that no one is required to speak.
The purpose of dialogue is to:
- Come to a new understanding
- Build community as a board, group, or team
- Develop shared meanings.
- Hear each other’s stories and recognize each other’s gifts.
- Appreciate diversity and wisdom.
- Listen with a spiritual ear.
- Bring about healing.
- Understand our differences by talking about issues we find difficult.
- Create a culture that recognizes that we are all members of one family, the human family.
- Create communities of love. Love put into action and appealing to human goodness may be the key to healing our hearts.